we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
