The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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