he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
