Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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