my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
