you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
