after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
