I don't think brook has ever known best
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
All the doctor said was why
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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