Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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