I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
