Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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