You can't motorboat a personality
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
