she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
