PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet