so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i was born a porn star she said
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
