that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
