you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
