I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
