why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
