Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
