thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
