Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
