party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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