we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
