Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
