I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
