she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
