1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
