The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
