1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize