shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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