Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
