Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
