did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
