i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
