This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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