piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
