I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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