I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
