Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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