WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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