I'm jealous of your bromance
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
