i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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