so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
