Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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