I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
