She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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