Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
