Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
