Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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