hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
