Having a random hookup so left but love u
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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