I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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