just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She's the barista slut.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
