he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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