Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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