i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
