so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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