I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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