I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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