it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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