I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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