Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
