So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you never un-have a 4some
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
