Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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