so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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