i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
