I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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