I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
