i just wanna soil my oats bro
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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