bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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