i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
