Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
