just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
