Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
